leighna

Nevermind that I've been here for two months and written nothing....

Sun, 19 Oct 2008 07:35:23 GMT

I have been in Japan for exactly two months and one day. I don't know that I have any way of summarizing my life during that time in a simple way... A lot has happened. In some ways, it feels as if I've always been here. Life for me seems to be divided every time I change locations, and though I can remember other parts of my life in other places, it's almost as though it wasn't the same me who was there. People and places at home seem like they might have been part of some movie that I saw a long time ago. For the most part, it's things here that occupy my thoughts, not California or Oregon or anywhere else. I suppose this is a sign that I've settled in?

I spent the first two weeks with one of my previous host families, mostly being shuttled from one house to another to eat dinner or say hello. Apparently I have become something of a celebrity in Miasa... I mean, I was already (there's not really a whole lot of exchange students out there - and by not a lot, I mean I was the only one) but my notoriety has spread to other nearby towns and families, and there are old men calling my host family every week asking what I'm up to and when I'm coming back again... (This is a bit exaggerated - I'm sorry.)

One thing that I did do while in Miasa was to visit the mayor of Oomachi. Actually, I am kind of obligated to visit him every time I'm in the area, so this wasn't terribly special. However, this time around I had something special to talk to him about. This is the story: A friend of my father's, Carl, has a Japanese flag. Carl's dad acquired this flag somewhere in the Pacific during the war. It's made of silk and is somewhat stained, but it is covered in signatures of family members and friends, wishing luck and a safe return to the soldier to whom it belonged, who's name and school are also written along one side. It seems likely that he carried the flag with him to war and was killed, and that the flag was picked up and eventually fell into Carl's father's hands. Carl has had it since college, but it wasn't until about 10 years ago that he asked a Japanese friend to read it for him and discovered what it was. He has decided that he no longer needs to own it and would like it to be returned to friends or family, so before I left he sent it to me, along with a letter introducing himself, should I find anyone.

I took the flag to the mayor at the suggestion of my host father, Oda-san, because, well... being a government official he has access to government channels with records of births and deaths all over the country. So, he passed the information on to someone higher up, and the related bureau is in the process of searching for relatives. We'll see how that goes.

The Japan Studies Program (JSP) at Tokyo International University began on the 28th of August, I believe. I went to Kawagoe a day early, made a reservation for myself in the hotel that we were using during orientation (they gave me a discount when they found out that I was a JSP student - that was so nice ^_^) and went to scout out the school - found it pretty easily by following some boys who looked like they might be college students, although they seemed very unsettled to have me trailing behind them, and kept looking back and whispering to each other, "she's still following us..."

Shortly after this, I lost my passport, what cash I had, and my debit card by leaving them in a phone booth at the station. Long story. Though only hours before I had felt very proud and independent as I traveled around alone, I found myself suddenly feeling very helpless and scared. Fortunately I had already paid for my hotel room for the night, and the school loaned me enough money to pay for my own food for awhile. But my pride and sense of independence were damaged, and still have yet to fully recover.

I got to the school early and met up with Dan... who, although we've gone to the same school for two years, lived in the same dorm, and have numerous friends in common, I don't think I had ever really spoken much to. But we were the first two in the second floor lounge. And it felt good to finally get to know him. Other students began to show up. Ed came eventually, and it was so good to see her for the first time in months. I had really missed her over the summer.

I don't think I did a very good job of being friendly with folks, though, to be honest. I was feeling a bit sour. Though severely impeded by the loss of my passport and money, my newly discovered independence was still making a big deal of itself, and I found it very difficult to be patient and polite to all of these other students, most of whom had never been to Japan before and thought it was strange to be served salad for breakfast. This isn't to say that I really disliked any of the individuals particularly - in fact, I liked a few of them quite a lot - I was more displeased with the dynamic of the group, with everyone moving so slowly, not eating all of their breakfast because it was "weird..." this kind of thing.

Days go by.

Japanese classes start. I am in D2, the highest level (I won't say the most difficult, because this seems to be on a very individual basis) with 5 other students. I love Japanese. I don't think that my classmates always feel the same way... and sometimes they are in blatant opposition to the teacher. On those days, I feel terrible for Oota-sensei... No one deserves to be treated that way.

I have been on a few excellent little weekend adventures. One day Ed and I went to Mitaka and Kichijouji, two neighborhoods outside of the center of Tokyo, which boarder on a wide park. The atmosphere there is good... Another weekend we went on the Romance Car to Hakone, hoping to get out of the city. Hakone is a big tourist destination, so there were a lot of people. At least, there were until we got lost... I misunderstood the directions to the ropeway, and we got on a bus instead of the train. At first all the towns that we passed were places that were named in the tour book, but gradually this was less and less the case, and after quite awhile I had no idea where we were. So we got off at the next bus stop, which happened to be on the side of a hill in the middle of the woods - no place in sight to ask directions. We eventually found a hotel up the hill a ways, and the man there gave us directions. By the time we finally made it to the ropeway it was a little late, so we ate a late lunch, went to a fancy bathhouse and headed back home. It was a very nice day, and we intend to go back... Just haven't gotten around to it.

I get antsy when I'm stuck in the city all the time. Not that Kawagoe is really a huge city... but it's not the woods, either. The color green does my heart good. So yesterday I went with Peter, a fellow JSPer who I don't remember meeting but with whom I happen to share a love of trees and shrines, to Ogose, which is way out at the end of the train line and has a lot of mountains. We left the station, not knowing where we were going, and headed for a temple that was straight ahead. It was a very beautiful, clean temple, and on the far side there was a little steep road going up the hill through the trees. We took our time going up, wandering through the graveyard on the way, debating heading back down to get drinks... but we were so close to the top, we decided to walk the last little bit.

One of those days when you feel like maybe you were meant to be just where you were just when you were there. At the top of the hill there was a community building, with a man outside sweeping the walkway who smiled at us as we came over the crest of the hill. We nodded at him and said "konnichiwa" and he replied, and looked as if he might want to talk. So we stopped, and he invited us in for a party. Apparently the 65 and over members of the community there get together twice a year to eat and play bingo and see each other's faces. I wasn't too sure about it, but they really did seem very happy to have us there, and the fed us lunch and asked to take pictures with us. One of the women, who was 82 years old, said after having her picture taken "I'm glad I've lived so long, so that I could be here today." It made me a little teary, although it seemed like a pretty over-the-top reaction... Apparently there was an American couple about twenty years ago who had also happened to wander over that same hill, and they had invited them in, so our appearance was seen as a continuation of this strange phenomena. We were very popular, and everyone told us we looked like movie stars and... Yeah, it was an ego-booster, that was for sure. We were invited back for making mochi on the 16th of November, so we might gather together a few more people and go.

When the party was over, we took a walk up into the hills, through the woods, up to where we could see the whole town of Ogose down below us. It was really beautiful, and satisfied my craving for the woods, at least for the moment. Really delicious Italian food for dinner, and a couple of hours of karaoke, during which Sandor (the only student in JSP who isn't American - he's from Hungary and has a really excellent accent) insisted that the entire group be quiet while I was singing because he wanted to hear me (the song ended in applause), made yesterday a really, really good day.

If only I had fit a little bit of studying in there. Wish me luck on my history test...

I'll try to update this thing occasionally, though I don't really think anyone reads it.
（・＿・；）

I have livejournal friends... I'm so happy! ^____^

Fri, 18 Apr 2008 06:12:38 GMT

I'm actually sleepy and sick and not much in the mood for writing any kind of anything.

But I'm SO excited.

Just checking to make sure I still have one of these things

Fri, 22 Feb 2008 21:24:09 GMT

... I'm getting ready to go abroad again, I guess... And last time it was so nice to have a livejournal. ^^

That's all for now.

Reasserting my control over this long neglected journal... thing.

Thu, 14 Sep 2006 09:33:21 GMT

Just kind of Ｗａｎｔｅｄ to write something because it was suggested that I start using this thing again. Being as I just ｗｒｏｔｅ a journal entry in my normal journal, I don't know what I'll write here。But I suppose I'll think of something.　I haven't been doing my homework like I said I would. I've been instead looking up Japanese music videos on Youtube.　This is surprisingly addicting. I found a lot of songs that I haven't heard since I was in Japan....　なつかしいな．．．It makes me want to go back. Somehow that was a good time in my life.　Not that this isn't, necessarily.　I don't know. I've been awfully confused lately.　I don't ever know if I'm doing the right thing or not. I feel...　Lost isn't the right word.　Lost implies to me that you're trying to find your way。I rarely realize that I feel I'm wandering aimlessly. I think I'm happy...　But when　I think about it, maybe I'm not.It's difficult to discribe.　I guess it's just easier to decide to be happy...　There isn't very much I can change right now. It's a new experience, and I've hardly even had time to get a feel for it...　You know?　So I should give it time, right?　I don't know...　I'm happy to have friends here, but I'm not good at keeping　Them.　I almost feel I don't want to. And not for any reason that has to do with the friends I've made...　Because they're wonderful people, and nice to me and miss me when I'm not around. It's just that... I've forgotten why friends are important?　Or maybe I never knew?　I don't know. I think I'll be inept at this friendship thing...I don't call people much recently, and I have this tendancy to come up with excuses not to do things...　I don't even know why. It's just automatic - if someone suggests that I do something, I immediately begin to invent excuses why I can't, even if it's something I would normallｙ　Enjoy.

So yes, I'm kind of writing this in hopes that those people who encouraged me to start updating this thing agian might read it and...　Bah, I don't know.　Not expect too much from me, I guess. I know I'm sounding like Philip, preemptively stating all the things I like Philip, preemptively stating all the things I "just don't do" so that no one the things I "just don't do" so that no one can accuse me of not doing them later.　Then I can say "I told you so."　And feel like a horrible person, but at least I'll be right. I don't really mean that... but it's what's going Through my head recently. So it seemed important.

I feel like taking my camera and my sketchbook and doing something.　Whatever you do with a camera and a sketchbook.　Photograph and sketch, I suppose.　Gah, I'm so full of angst nowadays, it's rediculous....　I should be e-mailing this to Fiona instead of sharing it with the world. Oh well. 。＿。

Updating for the sake of updating...

Mon, 13 Jun 2005 03:39:52 GMT

Fiona will have a livejournal account soon. Hah hah! I will have to force her into it... It might be nice, though, to have three of us reading these things instead of just two. XD I laugh.

I'm so facinated by... my life. @_@ It's very interesting. And ever so complicated. And good. Heehee...

Graduation's on Thursday... doom...

Tue, 17 May 2005 02:11:43 GMT

I don't know why I write this thing sometimes.

Philip says if I join the Church of the Latter-day Saints and marry him I can have his '54 Ford pickup. o_o; Hm...

Jim hated my essay. No, that's not true, he just didn't agree with me. Admittedly my argument was kind of weak. I've begun to think now that it's not an argument worth arguing. I'll talk to him about it tomorrow and then write another essay with an easier thesis. Gah... so discouraging...

Laughter...

Mon, 09 May 2005 17:13:52 GMT

... is it an important component in wisdom? Is that why the US is so ahead of the rest of the world? I have to write a mini-essay about this, so I thought maybe I'd get my thoughts sorted out here before I try to... actually.... you know... >_<; Write.

In my opinion, there are two kinds of laughter. There's the kind of laughter that glazes over a real problem, the kind of nervous laughter that results from something akward or emberrassing, although one might not realize that it's akward or emberrassing. This kind of laughter is almost always at something or someone else's expense. Often it's your own. More often it isn't.

The second kind of laughter is the more honest kind. Those people who can laugh at mistakes instead of getting upset over them are often that much happier for it. They are very rarely bogged down by life. They are lighthearted, and by being so often have a positive effect on the people around them. ("The man who can make his companions laugh secures himself a place in heaven?") This kind of laughter, this ability to recognize the problems that are truely problems and the ones that truely aren't, does contribute to wisdom.

“People of zee wurl, relax!” advises Sailor Boy the parrot. Relax – today is tomorrow so live in the now.

This is old news...

Wed, 26 Jan 2005 06:24:02 GMT

... but we'll put it here anyway, just... to remember it by.

"Vice President Cheney, Mr. Chief Justice, President Carter, President Bush, President Clinton, reverend clergy, distinguished guests, fellow citizens:

On this day, prescribed by law and marked by ceremony, we celebrate the durable wisdom of our Constitution, and recall the deep commitments that unite our country. I am grateful for the honor of this hour, mindful of the consequential times in which we live, and determined to fulfill the oath that I have sworn and you have witnessed.

At this second gathering, our duties are defined not by the words I use, but by the history we have seen together. For a half century, America defended our own freedom by standing watch on distant borders. After the shipwreck of communism came years of relative quiet, years of repose, years of sabbatical - and then there came a day of fire.

We have seen our vulnerability - and we have seen its deepest source. For as long as whole regions of the world simmer in resentment and tyranny - prone to ideologies that feed hatred and excuse murder - violence will gather, and multiply in destructive power, and cross the most defended borders, and raise a mortal threat. There is only one force of history that can break the reign of hatred and resentment, and expose the pretensions of tyrants, and reward the hopes of the decent and tolerant, and that is the force of human freedom.

We are led, by events and common sense, to one conclusion: The survival of liberty in our land increasingly depends on the success of liberty in other lands. The best hope for peace in our world is the expansion of freedom in all the world.

America's vital interests and our deepest beliefs are now one. From the day of our Founding, we have proclaimed that every man and woman on this earth has rights, and dignity, and matchless value, because they bear the image of the Maker of Heaven and earth. Across the generations we have proclaimed the imperative of self-government, because no one is fit to be a master, and no one deserves to be a slave. Advancing these ideals is the mission that created our Nation. It is the honorable achievement of our fathers. Now it is the urgent requirement of our nation's security, and the calling of our time.

So it is the policy of the United States to seek and support the growth of democratic movements and institutions in every nation and culture, with the ultimate goal of ending tyranny in our world.

This is not primarily the task of arms, though we will defend ourselves and our friends by force of arms when necessary. Freedom, by its nature, must be chosen, and defended by citizens, and sustained by the rule of law and the protection of minorities. And when the soul of a nation finally speaks, the institutions that arise may reflect customs and traditions very different from our own. America will not impose our own style of government on the unwilling. Our goal instead is to help others find their own voice, attain their own freedom, and make their own way.

The great objective of ending tyranny is the concentrated work of generations. The difficulty of the task is no excuse for avoiding it. America's influence is not unlimited, but fortunately for the oppressed, America's influence is considerable, and we will use it confidently in freedom's cause.

My most solemn duty is to protect this nation and its people against further attacks and emerging threats. Some have unwisely chosen to test America's resolve, and have found it firm.

We will persistently clarify the choice before every ruler and every nation: The moral choice between oppression, which is always wrong, and freedom, which is eternally right. America will not pretend that jailed dissidents prefer their chains, or that women welcome humiliation and servitude, or that any human being aspires to live at the mercy of bullies.

We will encourage reform in other governments by making clear that success in our relations will require the decent treatment of their own people. America's belief in human dignity will guide our policies, yet rights must be more than the grudging concessions of dictators; they are secured by free dissent and the participation of the governed. In the long run, there is no justice without freedom, and there can be no human rights without human liberty.

Some, I know, have questioned the global appeal of liberty - though this time in history, four decades defined by the swiftest advance of freedom ever seen, is an odd time for doubt. Americans, of all people, should never be surprised by the power of our ideals. Eventually, the call of freedom comes to every mind and every soul. We do not accept the existence of permanent tyranny because we do not accept the possibility of permanent slavery. Liberty will come to those who love it.

Today, America speaks anew to the peoples of the world:

All who live in tyranny and hopelessness can know: the United States will not ignore your oppression, or excuse your oppressors. When you stand for your liberty, we will stand with you.

Democratic reformers facing repression, prison, or exile can know: America sees you for who you are: the future leaders of your free country.

The rulers of outlaw regimes can know that we still believe as Abraham Lincoln did: "Those who deny freedom to others deserve it not for themselves; and, under the rule of a just God, cannot long retain it."

The leaders of governments with long habits of control need to know: To serve your people you must learn to trust them. Start on this journey of progress and justice, and America will walk at your side.

And all the allies of the United States can know: we honor your friendship, we rely on your counsel, and we depend on your help. Division among free nations is a primary goal of freedom's enemies. The concerted effort of free nations to promote democracy is a prelude to our enemies' defeat.

Today, I also speak anew to my fellow citizens:

From all of you, I have asked patience in the hard task of securing America, which you have granted in good measure. Our country has accepted obligations that are difficult to fulfill, and would be dishonorable to abandon. Yet because we have acted in the great liberating tradition of this nation, tens of millions have achieved their freedom. And as hope kindles hope, millions more will find it. By our efforts, we have lit a fire as well - a fire in the minds of men. It warms those who feel its power, it burns those who fight its progress, and one day this untamed fire of freedom will reach the darkest corners of our world.

A few Americans have accepted the hardest duties in this cause - in the quiet work of intelligence and diplomacy ... the idealistic work of helping raise up free governments ... the dangerous and necessary work of fighting our enemies. Some have shown their devotion to our country in deaths that honored their whole lives - and we will always honor their names and their sacrifice.

All Americans have witnessed this idealism, and some for the first time. I ask our youngest citizens to believe the evidence of your eyes. You have seen duty and allegiance in the determined faces of our soldiers. You have seen that life is fragile, and evil is real, and courage triumphs. Make the choice to serve in a cause larger than your wants, larger than yourself - and in your days you will add not just to the wealth of our country, but to its character.

America has need of idealism and courage, because we have essential work at home - the unfinished work of American freedom. In a world moving toward liberty, we are determined to show the meaning and promise of liberty.

In America's ideal of freedom, citizens find the dignity and security of economic independence, instead of laboring on the edge of subsistence. This is the broader definition of liberty that motivated the Homestead Act, the Social Security Act, and the G.I. Bill of Rights. And now we will extend this vision by reforming great institutions to serve the needs of our time. To give every American a stake in the promise and future of our country, we will bring the highest standards to our schools, and build an ownership society. We will widen the ownership of homes and businesses, retirement savings and health insurance - preparing our people for the challenges of life in a free society. By making every citizen an agent of his or her own destiny, we will give our fellow Americans greater freedom from want and fear, and make our society more prosperous and just and equal.

In America's ideal of freedom, the public interest depends on private character - on integrity, and tolerance toward others, and the rule of conscience in our own lives. Self-government relies, in the end, on the governing of the self. That edifice of character is built in families, supported by communities with standards, and sustained in our national life by the truths of Sinai, the Sermon on the Mount, the words of the Koran, and the varied faiths of our people. Americans move forward in every generation by reaffirming all that is good and true that came before - ideals of justice and conduct that are the same yesterday, today, and forever.

In America's ideal of freedom, the exercise of rights is ennobled by service, and mercy, and a heart for the weak. Liberty for all does not mean independence from one another. Our nation relies on men and women who look after a neighbor and surround the lost with love. Americans, at our best, value the life we see in one another, and must always remember that even the unwanted have worth. And our country must abandon all the habits of racism, because we cannot carry the message of freedom and the baggage of bigotry at the same time.

From the perspective of a single day, including this day of dedication, the issues and questions before our country are many. From the viewpoint of centuries, the questions that come to us are narrowed and few. Did our generation advance the cause of freedom? And did our character bring credit to that cause?

These questions that judge us also unite us, because Americans of every party and background, Americans by choice and by birth, are bound to one another in the cause of freedom. We have known divisions, which must be healed to move forward in great purposes - and I will strive in good faith to heal them. Yet those divisions do not define America. We felt the unity and fellowship of our nation when freedom came under attack, and our response came like a single hand over a single heart. And we can feel that same unity and pride whenever America acts for good, and the victims of disaster are given hope, and the unjust encounter justice, and the captives are set free.

We go forward with complete confidence in the eventual triumph of freedom. Not because history runs on the wheels of inevitability; it is human choices that move events. Not because we consider ourselves a chosen nation; God moves and chooses as He wills. We have confidence because freedom is the permanent hope of mankind, the hunger in dark places, the longing of the soul. When our Founders declared a new order of the ages; when soldiers died in wave upon wave for a union based on liberty; when citizens marched in peaceful outrage under the banner "Freedom Now" - they were acting on an ancient hope that is meant to be fulfilled. History has an ebb and flow of justice, but history also has a visible direction, set by liberty and the Author of Liberty.

When the Declaration of Independence was first read in public and the Liberty Bell was sounded in celebration, a witness said, "It rang as if it meant something." In our time it means something still. America, in this young century, proclaims liberty throughout all the world, and to all the inhabitants thereof. Renewed in our strength - tested, but not weary - we are ready for the greatest achievements in the history of freedom.

May God bless you, and may He watch over the United States of America."

Feeling sick...

Fri, 17 Dec 2004 00:33:08 GMT

I wish Mom wouldn't get to stressed with me all the time. I'm stressed enough with myself for both of us, but when she gets mad I want to go crawl in a corner and die. Keeping track of money is HARD damn it! Get off my back!

Okay, I'm sorry, I'm done with that now. It's not a big deal anyway. This week has good news in the money department, too: Oda-san said he would start driving me to school in the morning, so I don't have to pay for the insanely overpriced bus anymore. I dunno - on the other hand, it's an extra thing for him to do, and... Egads, I hate this homestay thing sometimes... It's my number one reason for wanting to go home.

Kind of weird an emotional right now. I think it has to do with Christmas, and Mom being mad, and... I think I'm due for a good, long cry sometime soon, but it's not going to happen, never does...

I don't like being angry at people. It doesn't become me, just makes me more upset in a very unconstructive way... Not just Gabe - I've been getting angry at a lot of people recently. Maybe it's a good alternative to feeling sorry for myself. I don't really think so - actually, I kind of think it's the same thing, just in a more extroverted kind of way. So. Anyway, it's Friday, so I ought to have a little time to relax and get my mind of stuff and... Erk, except that Mom's calling on Saturday. I don't want to talk to her. We're going to have to argue about the VISA. Why?

I can't decide if I want to go back or not. Of course I do, and yet....

I'm just kind of brooding now. Meh. I need to read a happy book. @_@

No, there's no place like home for the holidays...

Mon, 29 Nov 2004 02:36:30 GMT

I thought I would be sad about being away from home around this time, but... I dunno - I'm sure it will get worse as we get closer to Christmas and people start to play holiday music and stuff... >_< I know most all of the meaning has gone out of this time of year in the traditional sense, but it's always got a good feeling to it for me. Smells of peppermint and spices, warm, cozy colors while rain falls outside, and sometimes the power goes out and we light candles all over, and heat water on top of the wood-burning stove to make hot cocoa. Then maybe Phil and Charles trek over to my house, and Phil tells me about how he climbed one of the giant redwoods outside during the storm, and it was sooooo scary, and... My memory is too vivid. But I really love Christmas.

As it is, I had forgotten Thanksgiving entirely on Thursday until, out of the blue, I got a call from Rhoda Teplow - yes, the sub from the Comm School. She's spent her week's vacation in Tokyo, staying in the very room in which Lost In Translation was filmed... God knows where she got my number from, but she didn't want me to be too lonely on Thanksgiving, so she called. I didn't have the heart to tell her that it had slipped my mind. It was interesting talking to her - mostly we talked about school systems, comparing Mendocino to Omachi. We decided that maybe I should make it my mission to reform the PE classes at home, because PE is miserable and yucky. Anyway.

We got our first winter snow today. It was kind of pitiful, really - more like rain trying it's very best to become snow, and it was just barely making it... But it's a good sign. It's really late this year. I'm looking forward to skiing and building snowmen outside, and maybe having a snowball fight with the neighbors. We'll see.

My homestay family is going away to Saipan for a week, and I'm staying here. I'm going to stay with another family for a few nights, then come back and hang out with Heather for the rest of the week. I've got a set of house keys now, so Heather and I have free reign over the bathtub, the kitchen and the video game setup. Sweet deal... That's going to be fun.

DOOOM!! The Japanese Proficiency test is this weekend! I don't dare to admit that I might have a diminutive smidgin of a chance at passing... (and yet I hope...)

Tue, 23 Nov 2004 01:08:19 GMT

Now it really [I]has[/I] been ages... I feel a little bad about it, actually. I've been writing things down in my RL journal, so I haven't thought to get on here recently. And since Molly's probably the only one reading this anyway (XP) I probably shouldn't worry too much.

Still no snow, and it's almost December. Time is going by quickly. That Japanese test is less than two weeks away - I'm doomed! ... But I'm going to Tokyo soon after that, and then it'll be Christmas (I'm planning a dinner party) and then winter vacation, and then I'll only have five weeks until Mom and Leanne and Jay and Grandma come to visit... And then I'll go home. All of this buried in the happy chill of the holiday season. I feel cheery recently.

I'e moved to another house, and all seems to be going well. Everyone's home a lot more than they were at my last two, which makes a surprising difference. It's hard to explain just how different it is. But I think this is going to be good.

I haven't been studying for my Japanese test. I blame this on the fact that I have no book (I loaned it to Shannon months ago, but she hasn't given it back yet) but really it's just me being lazy. Ah well. It would be nice to pass, but... I'm not worried.

I've been thinking about college recently, since junior year is usually when everyone tours colleges and stuff... But since I'm not home, what should I do? Maybe that's what I'll have to use AE week for. (I'll be back to school in time for AE week... Meep...) Kind of a scary thought. I'm not ready to go to a university yet - too many other things I want to do! Everyone says that taking a year off before going back to school is usually a big mistake... I dunno, though. We'll see.

I don't like to spend so much time looking ahead - I want to try to stay in my here and now. I dunno. Life is good.

mission

Wed, 10 Nov 2004 00:24:55 GMT

I haven't written in here in ages!!! It feels like ages, anyway... I guess it's been about ten days...? That's hard to believe. But my time has been broken up all strangely recently. Last Wednesday we had no school (the middle of the week is a weird place for a holiday), and then I didn't go to school this Monday because I was too sleepy to get out of bed... I'm back to having very vivid dreams again, so I'm not sleeping very well. (Reminds me of that damned creepy D&D campaign... Eeep, vampires...!!) Today I have a headache and I feel queazy, but I am determined to conquer these cold symptoms with my firey will! Justice will always triumph! *Amelia-pose* Besides, I have my first club activity in ages and ages and [I]ages[/I]today, and I don't really want to miss it. The photo club is going to Matsumoto. I'm not exactly sure why - I think some photographs that we entered in a contest are on display and we're going to go look at them... or something. (Means I get to skip PE - Happy!)

I'm moving to Oda-san's house this weekend. I'd just as soon have it overwith, because it's going to be a huge job packing up all my stuff... I have too much. @_@ Bleh. Fortunately, a lot of my things are still in boxes from the last time I moved (cooking supplies and that), so all I really have to pick up are books and clothes. It might not be so hard a job as I'm anticipating. I hope it isn't. I just want to relax and not worry about anything anymore... Heh heh... I might be able to do that. Here Oda-san has been the one telling me for months that when I get to his house, I'll be able to take a well-earned rest. I'm ready. *sigh* So tired...

I feel like I've been getting along better with Maekawa-san recently. I think I kinda figured him out. We had a conversation about him and his tutor students, and he told me that he believes it's good to be very strict. I don't really agree with him, but I realize that all the times he's gotten mad at me have been intended for my own good. So he doesn't really hate me at all. That's a relief. I hope the harder memories we have we can look back on and laugh rather than cringe. I hope that my being here will help keep exchanges going. I hope I'm doing good.

Within the next couple of years Miasa will become part of Omachi. When that happens, the Miasa government - which has thusfar paid for all the lil' tykes from Miasa to visit Mendo - will dissolve. This means that in order to keep the exchange going, Miasa will need a volunteer program like Mendocino has, and parents who are willing to pay for their children's airfare and stuff. As it is, no one is really eager for a change of that magnitude. It will take a lot of campaigning and eloquent words, as I see it, to keep things going. I'm thinking that I really need to do something to help. I feel passionately that what I'm doing now is invaluable, and I wish that everyone could have this same chance. So... I'm thinking. This summer the students from Mendocino are coming to Miasa. It may be their last chance to do so under the current system. As I see it, the visit is going to be extremely important, and I desperately want to go along. However, my friends would probably chain me to a wall in the community school somewhere if I told them I was going away again. I'll have to mull this one over...

I think I'm going to run to the info center and check my e-mail. (Darned school computers won't let me get into my hotmail account.) Later...

"Hit Man" Robinson bowls a 74 point average...

Sun, 31 Oct 2004 14:38:59 GMT

Chad calls me "Hit Man" now, because of the way I lumber up and throw the ball like I'm dragging a dead body. -_-;; I tried, I did... Darnit, my average would have been better, had my first four goes not been gutterballs. Erm. I think I was allowed those... Considering as I was 12 years old last time I went bowling. Daisuke won by a hair, with Chado at his tail. Heather got distracted by a call from her new boyfriend (?!!) and actually did worse than me.

Had a good conversation with Chad in the back of the van on the way home. ("When it's late and modesty starts to mellow with the wine...") Conversations always get interesting late at night. I miss good talks.

I think I got pretty good at making ikayaki today. It's kinda... like squid... in pancakes... with sauce... @_@ It's good. I have to do it on Wednesday, too... I don't know quite how that works. What if I had something else planned for my holiday? ... Not that I did... But still...

I can't believe I have to go to school tomorrow! How can the weekend be over already?! And what am I doing still up?!! Goodnight everyone! Happy Halloween!!!

a day's worth of music

Sat, 30 Oct 2004 11:45:15 GMT

There's this guy staying at our house tonight, and he brought a whole monkeyload of good CDs with him, so I'm going to be in my room for a few hours importing them all. XD Yasho! ^_^

I went sightseeing with that guy today. It rained like crazy, but while we were walking around outside it was pretty nice, so we were really lucky. We went to a really old town up in the mountains a few hours away. It was super cool. @_@ I ate soba and really yummy mochi stuff... And ice cream with monkey pear sauce on it. (I don't know what a monkey pear is.... -_-;; ) Er... Yeah, it was lots of fun! Kind of random, because I don't know him that well... and we got all these dirty looks because we only had one umbrella, which we ended up sharing, and he's all fourty-some years old and I'm all teenager-like... Hehhehheh... ._.;; Heh...

I'm starting to be concerned about my shin, because it's still hurting as bad as it was on Tuesday, when I crashed into a corner in the hall at school with it. -_-;; It's fine when I walk and stuff, but it starts to feel funny when I run, and if I push the bone from one direction it hurts like mad. So I wonder if I didn't really do something to it? Anyway, it's not much of a problem right now, so I'll wait... If it's still hurting next week, I should probably go to the hospital and have it checked out, though.

Tomorrow is Halloween. ;_; I wish I could go trick-or-treating and wear a spiffy costume... but no... I have to go make ikayaki (grilled squid? x_x) at Maekawa-san's shop... Ah well.

I bought lots and lots of winter clothes yesterday. Looking at them today, I think they're all too girly. But I suppose I'll live. Tomorrow I want to go hunting for a pair of those fuzzy boots... What are they called? Ugs? @_@ I'm going to need them soon... it's getting so cold.

Look, it's a fish!!! <o=< Erm...

a week of disasters

Mon, 25 Oct 2004 13:42:38 GMT

Good God... The earthquakes have been responsible for 25 deaths thusfar. We're still getting aftershocks - the ordeal isn't over yet. Mind, we're all fine here... But the news footage from Niigata Prefecture, the quakes' epicenter, isn't so good. The area is kinda out in the country, thus the low death toll... a lot of people have lost houses, and there's not enough food or help down in that area to go around. It's really a mess. School gyms are full of people who can't go back to their houses, parking lots and sports fields are inhabited by families living in their cars... As if that weren't enough, we have another typhoon coming. A little rain, and...

We don't need any more typhoons up here, either. There's this snow tunnel thing that's made of plexiglas along the road between Miasa and Omachi, but in the last big storm there were a lot of landslides. The plexiglas broke in some places and the road closed for awhile. This moring, staring out the window of the bus, I noticed the walls bulging in - there's tons of dirt out there! Just a little more rain...

This seriously reminds me of that Day After Tomorrow movie. @_@; Erk...

On the brighter side of things... we had nice weather today... ._.;;

Judgement Day

Sat, 23 Oct 2004 10:26:58 GMT

ヤダ！　じしん怖い、ね?（－３－）みんなさん大丈夫ですか？台風とじしん・・・　今年はちょっと・・・

Japan has been all earthquake-ish this evening. I know California has them too, but this is has been the first time I remember feeling one. Kowai... That was so scary... I'm scared there are going to be more tonight, maybe while I'm asleep. So maybe I just won't sleep. *squeaks* Jeez! That horrible typhoon, and now earthquakes... Judgement Day is coming, repent, repent!!!

singing loudly in my bedroom

Sat, 23 Oct 2004 02:28:53 GMT

I'm supposed to be helping Heather clean up her new "apartment" today. She's moving into the tiny room upstairs in Oda-san's workshop. I called her about 9 a.m. and she woke her up, and she said she'd call later when she was ready to start. It's been two hours. XP I wonder if she's still asleep? Ah well... She can take her time; I'm in no hurry.

I must be really paranoid about going home. I'm having dreams about it every night. They drive me crazy. Still no one happy to see me. I think that the dreams are a product of my thoughts, rather than the other way around, and that I shouldn't worry, but even so... they scare me.

I guess I have to think about this in a new light. Maybe I can think of going home as a whole new adventure. Coming to Japan was something new and exciting, and going back to Mendocino will be the same. @_@ Weird...

I missed Aikido for the fourth week in a row (migrane, crazy school power walk competition, lack of a ride, typhoon...) The road between here and Nagano is completely out because of the typhoon, as is the train line. Lots of people died. Hundreds lost their rice and apple crops. Many more lost houses. Good god.

I'm going to Matsumoto with Heather tomorrow to go shopping and stuff. Problem: I have nearly no money. I don't quite know what I'll do about that. Ah well... It should be fun anyway. Good to get out of the house, if nothing else. And Heather is a cool person. So it should be fun.

I've been singing Tracy Chapman songs in a very dramatic voice all morning as I cleaned my room. Heeheehee.

You know what? On Wednesday when the typhoon was starting, after school I was walking to Kuubu, a cafe with yummy crepes and pizza and hot chocolate. You know what I did? ^____^ I jumped in puddles. In my school uniform and everything. Every single puddle I found. I had never jumped in puddles in such a short skirt before.Your underwear get all wet... ._. It's worth trying, if you feel thus inclined. *grins widely* Yay for puddles!

Random spectulation...

Wed, 20 Oct 2004 00:40:33 GMT

I haven't actually left the internet. I'm still here... lurking. -_- I refuse to worry too much about the fact that I've quit e-mailing people, because the whole point is to cut down on stress. This will probably sound silly, but I don't feel like I know anyone anymore. I can't really relate to the people who write to me. It's very akward. So I'm just not going to check my e-mail for a couple of months. I will leave my computer turned off. I will put my energy in to my life here, now. It makes more sense that way.

I'm serious, if anyone wants to write a letter they're welcome to. I'd really, really like it, actually. Letters are better than e-mail anyway.

My friend Yumeko brought up visiting California again. She said she talked to her mom about it, and her mom is all for it. Money isn't a problem - her mom will pay. That would make me very happy! So maybe she and Shiori will come and stay in Mendo for awhile. Let's all give them a warm welcome.

Typhoon #23 is on it's way to Nagano prefecture. It's huge. (x_x) I hate that it's so wet outside. Why is rain fun in California and horrible here? Probably because I don't get to play outside in it, then come in to a fire and a mug of hot chocolate... *sniff* So sad...

I'm trying to think of something to dress up as for Halloween. Maybe I can be a Japanese schoolboy. V(^_^)V Bwahaha. I like that idea. My other option is Heather's horrible blue princess dress. It's a tossup. We shall see. (My boy's uniform is sooooo cool, though... =^^=)

Last night I went on a crazy spree and researched a bunch of old Nickelodeon shows... Brought back such memories. A lot of them were on, it seems, when I was only three or four years old. Isn't it amazing that you can remember things like that so well? The Adventures of Pete and Pete, The Tomorrow People, Clarissa Explains It All.. Heh heh heh... If you haven't looked up those kinds of things recently, you should try it today!!! It's incredibly fun.

Must go now.

... Mrrrh... I have nothing to say today.

Sat, 16 Oct 2004 09:46:45 GMT

Oh, I do, actually! Today I went to a festival at the elementary/junior high school in Miasa, and they had a flea market, and I found the coat for a boy's school uniform. It cost me less than a dollar. (As opposed to nearly 200 dollars new...) I'm psyced! However, my homestay parents, when I showed it to them, both did this silly eye-rolling sigh thing, in the manner of "What kind of horrible thing is she going to do next?" I knew it would be strange for me to buy it, I didn't know it was bad. Well, they're going to have to deal with that on their own this time, because they're being rediculous. I can't stand this gender segregation stuff, I really can't. I'll bite them all. *growls*

My room is clean. I'm so happy. ^__^ It's been clean for a week and a half. I will never let it get dirty again.

*stares dreamily across her bedroom at her new jacket* =^^=

My dreams are getting weirder and weirder by the day. I had one last night about a big, purple monster with googly eyes, made of foam, trying to get me while I hid in a wooden bathtub. I'm so confused. @_@

Anata ni mo, Cherushi o agetai... irritating Chelsea Butterscotch Jingle plays -_-;;

Mon, 11 Oct 2004 14:13:41 GMT

I haven't written in forever... (*Has sudden flashbacks to The Sandlot - "Fo-re-ver!"* ... I love that movie...)

Lessee... Today I cleaned my room and did about three loads of laundry. That felt good. @_@ I only have to white blouses for my school uniform, and it's hard to wash them during the week, so they get stinky... -_- Er... Yeah. But they're clean now. After that I read a little of A Clockwork Orange, and took a few photos of the house where I'm living with my digital camera. (I'm going to update my picture site by the way - visit it: http://www.photoaccess.com/share/guest.jsp?Gallery=AF472A3B202&cb=PA)

I went to a birthday party at Chad's house last night. That was... weird. I dunno. It was fun, I guess... >___<;; I have an unbeatable recipie for rich chocolate cake, and I wanted to make one for Chad and Heather as a birthday present. I hitched a ride with Koichi in the morning and went to Omachi to buy groceries, then realized it was Sunday, so the buses weren't running. I had no way to get home until about 4:30 pm. I ended up having to make a fast lemon cake, which wasn't really very good. *frustration* I feel like I failed miserably in everything that day. It's very depressing.

All the leaves around here will be orange and red with in a week or two, and there will be snow on top of the mountains. I hope to get some beautiful photographs. I have to start wearing pants now almost all the time because it's gotten so cold this past week! It's hard to believe that it was ever so hot here as it was this summer. I can't wait to go skiing... =^^= Heeheehee....

dan dubewana, da-an du-be-wa-na...

Fri, 01 Oct 2004 01:35:51 GMT

No school today because the teachers have some kind of training thing... I think. I have this awful, nagging feeling that there really is school, and that I'm not going to find out about it until next week. I pick up a lot of funny information. This bit, however, was from my English teacher - one would think he would know these things.

I'm the only person in the house. Thinking I should take the day to clean my room (Yeah, right.) Seriously! I think it must be attracting mold and stuff, because my allergies are horrible in here! Last night I couldn't stop sneezing, and today my eyes are so puffy and... Erk... I suspect you don't need to hear all that, actually. The point is that my room needs cleaning.

I should also try to study for my upcoming math test. It would make me incredibly happy if I passed that thing, but I'm going to have to study like mad to do it.

Did I tell you I have a rediculous crush on a boy? I think it has very little to do with his redeeming qualities, and almost everything to do with the fact that he's the only boy in the school who talks to me... -_-;; But that's no the point! His name is Tao. He makes me very happy.

Another beautiful day! I think I'm going for a walk now... ^_^

lucky, you have just injested dr blake's special tantric mantric instant freakout superacid cocktail

Tue, 28 Sep 2004 11:11:15 GMT

I'm feeling good today, but very strange. I got a lot done. I reorganized all of my independent study papers, then took some time to evaluate my homework situation. I made a list of my questions on Geometry to ask Cruzer. I looked through my entire book of kanji and decided on which characters I could omit from my studies, since not all of them will be on the test. I went in to town and got some money from the post office. While I was waiting there I wrote a letter to Dad, mailed it, and then cleaned all the old receipts and stuff out of my purse. I'm feeling very on top of things.

I get farther and farther from home every day. My friends... good greif, we've become juniors. That's hard to believe. Time slips by. Counting down so many days, I feel I'm getting a concept of time. One day I'm going to die. When I came in my room and turned on my computer... well, my wallpaper is something I made, a collage of a bunch of photos from home. There's a picture of Yesica. Suddenly I realize I haven't talked to her in four months. I want to cry when I realize how easy it is for the people I consider the most important to slip out the back door. I try to remind myself that change is the nature of life, but does everything have to change? Don't tell me that, it's rediculous. It wouldn't be hard. I could call Yesi tomorrow... and I could have called her yesterday.

Mendocino feels like... god, I don't know. It's not my life now. When I feel homesick and I try to draw it closer again, but what can I do? Sometimes I feel like I'm trying to live two lives. I need to pull myself together, you see?

I'm already feeling better. It just hits me like that sometimes... and seems so silly afterward. Even so, I think I should call Yesica tomorrow...

subarashii desu ne!!! o_O ---> o_o ---> -_- ---> >_<;;

Mon, 27 Sep 2004 13:27:18 GMT

Started back on my studies today. Whee-fun... Damn kanji just gets harder and harder. I can't seem to memorize those things. *fume* >___<;; But I will pass that test, goddammit!!!

We're definitely fading into fall now. The leaves are turning colors, ever so slighly. The breeze is getting cooler. Today, walking home from the busstop, I saw a gorgeous harvest moon over the hills. Snow will be falling before we know it.

Eeek, no school on Friday! *dances* I've got to think of something to do, though... this is the problem. Maybe I can find someone to go out to lunch with? (I should ask Tao... Bwahah... "Tao-kun! Issho ni ohiru gohan tabeo ka?" *eyes sparkle magically* ... I think not. ^^;;) I should probably study my math... we have exams next week. (I could have sworn we just had exams a month ago.. @_@) I still... just don't understand it. But I haven't ever really studied outside of class. I'm debating whether or not to put any effort into it. My grades don't count, but... Eh. To hell with it - I have other stuff to do.

Chelsea is an old Grinch today. Naaarf...

idle hands...

Sun, 26 Sep 2004 14:21:19 GMT

I didn't do much of anything today. I was woken up at 10am when my mom called, talked to her for an hour... ate breakfast at 11, and lunch one hour after that... came in my room and talked on MSN for quite awhile... took a shower... Just now got back from a dinner party for all the people who played music for that festival. A little boring, but better than staying at home, as that would have meant a total lack of real human contact today. I might go crazy.

I see that as a wasted day. I wouldn't have cared before...

Back to school tomorrow. I don't wanna go... >_< But god knows I'd just have another boring day at home if I didn't. I'll be fine. I should try to enjoy myself, I guess.

Next time I do something, I'll tell you, eh? Until then...

"a true philosopher must never give up. if we could just... get it loose..."

Fri, 24 Sep 2004 15:09:09 GMT

I didn't study a bit this week - distracted by Sophie's World. That's an addictive book. Finished it this morning. A little sad... But I think it goes on and on. It's that kind of book.

Another Friday night, another session of painful Aikido. We played with knives today. Wooden knives. o_O;; Actually, I got my wrist twisted pretty bad this time... >_< I may be forced to buy an ace bandage tomorrow. Along with a playstation memory card! ^____^; If I get one I can play Final Fantasy VII and Biohazard... (I think Biohazard and Resident Evil are the same thing. o_o I'm not sure.) Yay for video games!

I have my schedule for school all worked out now. No more of those rediculous hours of free time. -_-;; Should be good for me.

I feel like I had something interesting I wanted to say today... Erk. Shows what I get for skipping on this journal stuff for so long. Should try to write something every day, I guess...

Oh yeah! The festival! Fortunately for everyone, my drumming skills have improved considerably with practice. As far as the music part went, it was perfect. We sounded great (if you like traditional Japanese music, that is...) The scary thing, though!: We sat inside of ... god, what would you call it...? Something like a palanquin, but it had wheels and a lot more people on the outside manning it... It's over 100 years old, made of wood, very ornately carved. They had it all decorated with paper laterns, and we sat inside it and the people dragged it an hour or so to the temple while we played music. Since it's so old, though, it rocks back and forth a lot - seems like it might tip over or collapse an any moment. As if that weren't terrifying enough, we were being dragged up and down all kinds of rediculous hills and inclines --- by a bunch of drunk old men! Yes, here they have our lives in their hands, and they're all drinking sake!!! I think being terrified actually improved my playing, though... O_o;; *sweatdrops* It's definitely not something you get to do very often. Kind of an honor, I gather. Furthermore, since I'm a forigner... Yep, I was lucky to get to do it. (And, I think, lucky to be sitting here now, reflecting on it.)

Rhys told me today about a trip he took to the US as a teenager. (Before I was born... XD I feel bad sometimes; I make everyone feel old.) He took a road trip between LA and New York. Somewhere in the middle there, he saw stripes charactaristic of Kentucky Fried Chicken - but they were white and brown instead of white and red. He claims it was actually a Kentucky Fried Beef & Bacon. O_o;; Weeeeird... (A mere bagatelle.) I don't like the sound of breaded and fried bacon, either...